


Someone You Loved

by Elia_na, WillyKappyMattsMarns



Category: A Separate Peace - John Knowles
Genre: Angst?, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I cannot stray from that trope and it is a fact, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22837306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elia_na/pseuds/Elia_na, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillyKappyMattsMarns/pseuds/WillyKappyMattsMarns
Summary: “Let’s go,” he states matter-of-factly.“Go where, Finny?” I sigh.“I don’t know, let’s just go!”I shake my head, grinning slightly in awe at him. “You’re crazy, you know that, right?”“Sure, but you love me anyways,” he responds with his back to me. He has no idea how true that is.
Relationships: Brinker Hadley/Elwin "Leper" Lepellier, Brinker Hadley/Phineas, Gene Forrester/Phineas "Finny"
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Someone You Loved

**Author's Note:**

> A Separate Peace made me get closer to my now best friend and I just wanted to thank the universe for that hehe :)

*Brinker’s POV*

My father had just come for his bi-monthly, dreaded visit. I am absolutely not in the mood to talk to another human being. Getting called a disappointment by your own father for two hours takes a lot of energy out of you. But of course, because he has impeccable timing and I swear he can read my mind, Finny casually walks into my dorm room. 

“I’m not in the mood, Finny,” I tell him, not really looking at him. I see his face fall out of the corner of my eye and look up at him. He doesn’t leave, instead, he moves toward me and stands in front of me, forcing me to look up at him from where I’m seated on my bed. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, his eyes filled with concern. 

”It’s nothing.” I reply matter of factly.

I expect him to leave at that, but he frowns and plops himself down next to me on my bed. Neither of us says anything, sitting in slightly uncomfortable silence. Finny bumps his knee against mine in an attempt to be comforting, but all it does is make my heart jump against my will. 

He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I lose any sense of control I had over my emotions. Tears stream down my face uncontrollably, and I know I should probably feel embarrassed, or at least a little bit self-conscious, but I don’t. I feel safe in his embrace. 

Eventually, my tears peter off, but instead of encouraging him to let go, he pulls me tighter towards his chest.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks gently, his eyes searching mine. 

And I don't, I really don’t, but something inside me cracks and I spill anyways. “It’s my father,” I tell him, staring at my feet. That’s all he needs to hear before he jumps up from the bed, stretching his arms out. I immediately miss the warmth of his body against mine, but I try not to focus on it, pretending the feeling isn’t even there. 

“Let’s go,” he states matter-of-factly. 

“Go where, Finny?” I sigh. 

“I don’t know, let’s just go!”

I shake my head, grinning slightly in awe at him. “You’re crazy, you know that, right?”

“Sure, but you love me anyways,” he responds with his back to me. He has no idea how true that is. 

•••

Finny left to his room a few minutes ago and I start to think that he’s not coming back. I start to pull a book off the shelf, when he bursts through my door again, this time dressed in his obnoxious neon orange swim shorts. 

“Why aren’t you dressed!” He exclaims. “Brinker, c’mon, get changed!”

“You never even told me where we were going you little shit!” I laugh, almost against my will. Finny is grinning wide, and he starts to rummage through my drawers. He throws socks and shirts at me, both of us smiling and laughing wildly. We attempt to shush each other, but it only makes us laugh harder. 

He throws a pair of navy blue swim shorts at me, which I didn’t even remember I owned. “Put them on,” he says casually. I look over at him expectantly, waiting for him to leave the room. “Don’t look at me like that, I’ll turn around, weirdo.”

I quickly undo my belt and change into the shorts, while Finny collects our flip-flops and towels, running between our rooms, throwing things into a bag that seemed to manifest out of thin air. 

“Finally, you're dressed, let's go!” He throws the bag into my arms and grabs hold of my hand to lead me out of the room. I feel my heart begin to beat uncontrollably once again. He really doesn't understand what he does to me. 

We get to the bike rack and he mounts his bike. We ride together, and when I fully realize where we’re going, I try to make Finny turn back. 

“We… you do realize we have school tomorrow! It’s late Fin. They're going to notice we’re not there! We should head back,” I tell him, although I’m not entirely sure I want to go back. Really, I think I’d go anywhere to be able to spend time alone with Finny. 

“Shut up, Brink! You’re literally top of the class, and they won’t even notice we’re gone. It’ll be fine. Don't you trust me?” his eyes really said it all, they're what broke the thin layer of rationality I had left. I really can't say no to Finny when he gets like this, and I think he's finally realized that.

We continue to bike the short distance along the boardwalk to the beach, where we’ve both been many times, but never together. Especially never alone together. 

We reach the sand and Finny jumps off his bike, landing with a thud in the sand. I pedal to a stop and throw my head back laughing. He whips his head around to look at me from the ground, a smile bright across his face. “Hungry?” He asks, collecting a fist-full of sand. 

I take a deep breath, breathing in the scent of the different food vendors, although I can’t really focus when Finny’s looking at me like he is. “Uh, yeah? I could eat,” I shrug. “Shit, I didn’t bring any money with me.”

“That’s okay,” he waves me off. “I got you.” I literally cannot breath why is he like this.

We pick up our bikes and walk them alongside us. There’s a slightly awkward silence until Finny points out an ice cream vendor. “Wanna?” He looks like a puppy, his eyes begging. 

“I thought you said you were hungry. That’s not food,” I laugh. 

“Yes, it is. You eat it, idiot. It’s food.”

“Ice cream is not dinner, stupid,” I respond, my voice dripping with so much affection it’s disgusting. 

So we compromised and got hotdogs. Finny drowns his in ketchup, and I put half the amount of mustard that he has. I shake my head at him, and he shrugs. He’s so carefree and happy. I really am in love with him, and I hate myself for it. 

We walk for a bit, content with the hot dogs. It’s different from the fancy food at Devon, and it makes me miss home. As soon as Finny throws the last bite in his mouth, he starts again. 

“Can we please get ice cream Brink? Please?”

“Yeah, sure, let's get ice cream.” I sigh, but in reality, I wanted ice cream just as bad as Finny did. 

So we get ice cream, Finny gets chocolate and I get vanilla. Then we bike with our ice creams in hand to an emptier part of the beach. We get off our bikes and sit on the sand, sliding off our running shoes. As soon as Finny finishes his chocolate cone, he jumps up and grins at me. He nods his head toward the water and I roll my eyes but push myself off the ground. I throw what’s left of my vanilla cup in the garbage and walk back towards Finny, hyper-aware of his eyes on me. 

When I get back to him, he grabs my hand and pulls me forward. My cheeks heat up from the contact, and I pray he doesn’t notice. Just the sun, I tell myself. Finny dives into the water and I stay back and wait for him to come back up for air. He’s under for a second too long, and a slice of panic cuts through my stomach, but the next moment his head bobs out of the water and he waves to me. “Come on, Brink! It’s so warm!”

So I dive in, too, but Finny’s a liar. The water is freezing, and as soon as my body is submerged I come back up for air. I yell at him, and of course, he’s laughing. The sound of his laughter, his laughter because of me, makes me forget about feeling cold, about needing to get back to Devon, about the impending war. It fills me with warmth and I want nothing more than to hold him right here, in front of everyone. I want everyone to see that he’s mine, that I love him. 

But I can’t. I can’t, because he doesn’t love me. Finny swims towards me until our noses are nearly touching. I can’t breathe, I don’t want to breathe, for fear of ruining the moment. His bright green eyes are on mine, and I make a conscious effort to keep eye contact, forcing myself to not glance down at his lips. But, of course, because it’s me and the universe and whatever God there is are out to get me, my eyes trace down his face to his lips and linger there before meeting his again. 

I curse myself, and the look on Finny’s face is unreadable for a second, but he goes back to grinning slightly so quickly that I question if that look was all in my head. Maybe, by the fucking grace of God, my lapse in judgement lasted only a second, quicker than possible for Finny to notice. 

The waves push us further together, to where our legs are brushing against each other. I watch Finny glance down, peering into the water, and he slowly looks back up. Neither of us moves, neither of us breaths for fear of breaking the moment. My heart is beating so fast I think in the back of my mind that Finny must hear it, and the thought is mortifying. But he doesn’t say anything, so the thought quiets down. 

The corners of Finny’s mouth turn up and his eyes sparkle. He is smiling for me, only me at this moment, and I want to treasure this forever. Nobody but me will ever see Finny this beautiful, in this light, with his legs brushing against theirs. 

Only I will ever get to see Finny like this, at this moment, and I don’t want this moment to ever end.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me!  
> Insta | @willykappymattsmarns  
> Tumblr | @willykappymarnsmatts


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